N0 (or nothin' but) Time to Spare

What’s this? A single blog post written in two days’ worth of consecutive order? Yes. But try it anyway. You might like it—or at least relate.
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Sunday AM, September 10

I'm sitting in an airport, again. It turns out I have (well, had) ninety minutes to kill. In order to help the clock fly I just polished off a 9 AM “brunch” at Manchu Wok. Rice or noodles--and I pick noodles--plus two entrees (orange chicken and broccoli beef). I’m still swilling the lemonade. You know, one of those “banned” beverages the TSA believes I might use to . . . well, I’m not sure what they think I might do with it, but I must admit I’ve never tried to light a lemonade with a match before. Who knows!

I ended up with this pocket of time because I arrived early at O'Hare, checked my bags curbside (as usual) and felt very smug as I passed by the snaking terminal bag-check lines (now THAT’S got double meaning!) of people kicking and dragging their worldly goods along. Then the woman waiting to check my documents at the head of this odd and somewhat isolated little American Airlines security checkpoint stood yawning as I walked right up, then right on through the “don’t touch the sides” tunnel—zero waiting. I use this particular “secret passageway” when I'm flying American Eagle, which seems like always lately. I don't know where the Big Boy AA aircraft fly, but I'm assuming they still exist.

PAUSE

Oh, MY! I’m undoubtedly sitting here on the verge of countless perils since I just remembered MSG is an excitotoxin! I’m sure my brunch contained a billion milligrams of excitotoxins. If you have a moment, Google “effects of MSG” and read those first few links including http://www.msgmyth.com/brochure.pdf#search=%22effects%20of%20msg%22. Threat of terrorists? Stay alert. Excitotoxins? HELP!


FAST FORWARD TWO DAYS (September 12): MY RETURN TRIP

Having thankfully survived my hearty blast of excitotoxins, I lived to sit in an another airport. Pittsburg, this time. Today I arrived nearly four hours early for my flight. Long story, but it had to do with hilly terrain, a rental car and the threat of fog (warning signs everywhere) and torrential rain. Let's just say none of the above slowed me down more than two miles per hour. Although I did not zip through security today (which, to the best of my observation and experience, is much more rigid here in Pittsburg than O'Hare), I still have All This Time. Enough time to STEER CLEAR OF EXCITOTOXINS while concurrently spending too many bucks buying smeary face products with which I cannot legally travel. Luckily, I’ve spent enough that they’ll ship them for free.

FAST FORWARD.

Seems I was optimistic about arriving 4 hours early. I now find I arrived 5.5 hours early. It occurs to me that “nonstop flights” are often “nongo,” or at their very best, “go-later.”

FAST FORWARD

Seems 5.5 hours was optimistic since it turns out I arrived at least 6.5 hours early, which turned into 8, which. . . . After “mechanical delays” turned later-later-later-whoops “canceled,” a rerouting to another airline which then postponed (Okay, I am CRAVING a high dose of excitotoxins by now! Anything to break the tedium!), another rescheduled late-night flight out on the last flight out—which was late, I finally made it home in the nick of time to wait forty minutes before filling out my missing luggage (two-bags’ worth) report.

The good news is that after driving back to the airport this morning to personally look for my bags (that sweet and caring recorded voice told me she was so sorry to report SHE hadn’t located them yet), I found them hiding right there on the floor in front of the conveyor belt. No WONDER they couldn’t find them! Too obvious.

Thankfully I recovered them in just enough time to swirl their contents before tomorrow morning’s flight. I shall try to be early, although not too.